Thakuma

My Thakuma is at her 90's . Now a days she spends twenty hours a day in bed.Nurse comes eight o'clock in the morning. Then the battle begins;to make her talk , to walk ...to eat.Everyday we fight this pre-defeated battle against thakuma's deep silence and blank eyes.

She is struggling every single moment to breathe , to swallow a single grain of food, to recognize the people around her.All the night she stays awake just laying on the bed,unable to decipher her need, her pain. We remain helpless watching her engulfed in the darkness;slowly...day by day.

Doctor says her heart is fine and there is no other medical ailments in her body.Still there is something beyond the medical science can describe;

'Void of Life'.

I remember Thakuma:

Talking continuously complaining about petty household needs.

Scolding me for making everything 'entto' at the dinning.

I remember her:

Making 'Pithe' all day long during Poush Sankranti.

'Thakuma arekta pithe khabo'

I dont remember, ever she has denied me or my sister. She prepared 'pithe', 'payesh','moa' keeping everyone's taste in mind.At night may be one over-cooked or some left-over ,she ate.Did I care that time to ask her 'Ekta pithe khao na Thakuma'

During my school days, my hours of late night studies, she remained awake all the night and when i fell asleep ,she gently ran her fingers through my hairs to soothe me.

Maa says:

There were days when thakuma spent her days with only two saris...Cooking whole day for the full family, feeding children, and at the end of the day left no time for caring herself.

We have been brought up by her immense care and unconditional love. Her uninterrupted devotion to fulfill all our innumerable demands; all in smiling face and untiring energy; surprised me when it came to my senses of realization.

Today:

Thakuma cant even remember my name. The earthly matters does not bother her anymore. Neither she can express her appetite nor she feels the urge to put on the blanket in cold.

Last puja I brought her a sari. But this year I gave her a few house-gowns , thinking she will be comfortable in wearing those.

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Forgive me Thakuma for what I am unable to give you, the company. Forgive me for not having the patience to sit beside you and talk.Forgive me for what I am incapable of understanding, your un-uttered words.Forgive me for not being so efficient to nurse you.

Forgive me..